Over the last few weeks I have had to make some changes to my life. The financial pressures of the world around us and the realities of being a working mum and a self published author, with a husband who is running a business around the clock have meant I had to take stock and make important decisions that although painful and sad, have had to be made. They mean putting my career aspirations on hold, putting some of my dreams onto a back burner and stepping back my commitment to promoting my business and book. I will fulfil more of my working commitments at night when I do not have to pay for childcare, to tighten my belt even further and find ways of saving money in every aspect of my family life.
I know that this is the world facing many, if not all of us today and it at times seems to fly in the face of my coaching and teaching which is to endeavour to meet our own needs as mums as well as the wider ones of our partners and families.
Financial pressure, the bottom line reality of needing to pay the bills that our lives create, mean many of us are making decisions to live in roles that do not seemingly follow our dreams, hopes and plans for ourselves. They are what we ‘have ‘ to do we have ‘no choice’. For human beings a sense of powerlessness, loss of control and loss of choice is not only challenging emotionally and for our sense of self, it can potentially be challenging to our health. Causing stress, anxiety, and leading us to escape from the monotony or hardship with; alcohol, sugary, fatty comfort foods, caffeine or switching off from life into reality TV, a cyber existence or into other form of escapism that allows us to forget our lives for a few hours. If this is combined with allowing our partners to take chances, fulfil ambitions and leave the potential times of monotony of everyday parenting and managing a house it can also mean; resentment, jealousy and sadness.
Whilst researching human potential and emotional resilience over the years I have learnt that having purpose in our lives, having choice and some personal power is essential to maintaining emotional and mental equilibrium. So finding purpose within the times when life feels out of our control is essential.
So sat here at my computer, having made the difficult decisions, given my childcare their notice, putting my courses and programmes on hold, facing at least a year of long days with my boys, embracing all their triumphs and challenges whilst spending my evenings promoting my book, developing my programmes and attempting to find ways of earning enough money to re-build my self belief and esteem. Whilst supporting Al as he strives, works every hour there is away from us across the country earning money, building his career , allowing him to have a chance to fulfil his dreams, get us financially to where we want to be and bottom line, pay our bills at the same time.
I do know that without the rain you can never see a rainbow, I have said to clients for years that the sense of success and satisfaction is far greater when you have faced adversity and overcome it, but this doesn’t feel like adversity to me, it is just what has to be, needs must, there is no alternative. I guess in life even after all the learning and teaching I have done a phase of just getting on with life, working full out for my family, supporting my husband in his business and holding on tight to my dreams, getting the jobs done and making the most of them is a new learning experience. Learning to be ok with an everyday that would not be my first choice and knowing that is how it must be.
I don’t do this with a sense of martyrdom or regret, bravery or excitement just acceptance, my reality is this for now, fighting that would just create pain, and that is a choice all of its own. As a family we have faced far graver, more frightening, mentally and emotional hardships than needing to work really hard, Al away in the workplace, me at home with our boys, hour by hour day by day to get on track.
So here I sit, planning done, ready for action, starting to get the jobs done and attempting to enjoy finding purpose, satisfaction and choice in the everyday things that build and create a future.
My challenge is to do that without trying to escape, (well the odd glass of wine and show on telly aside) to stay on track and keep my energy up through the long tough times until I can re-start my career ambitions again. To get through the rain, not thunder storm, not hurricane but the everyday rain and finding in each of those steps a rainbow for my family and I and times to dance in the sun when we can.
I’ll keep you all with me, please share with me how you all keep going through the tough times too. I am endeavouring to get the forum back up soon.
Love as always Gill
